Is Joyful Teshuva really possible?
By Rabbi Shimon Raichik
Elul is the last month of the year. Just as a business makes a yearend inventory and later a detailed analysis which provides the way for changes and improvements in the year to come; so too the month of Elul is a time that we take stock of our lives and make decisions to change and improve looking toward the new year. One might find this entire process quite upsetting. How can a person be joyful when there is a pressing need for teshuvah at the same time? It’s difficult to look at all of one’s failures and mistakes squarely in the eye as the day of Rosh Hashana, the day of judgment is rapidly approaching. The Torah says that every Mitzvah we do has to be with simcha, and how is it possible to be b’simcha when doing a mitzvah, knowing all that we have done wrong.
Chassidus explains that teshuvah does not mean to repent but to return. In the month of Elul, the last month of the year the power is given for us to return to who we really are. Ask yourself the following question: how would you feel if you were completely lost on a journey and someone showed you the proper way that you need in order to return home? Would you be sad that you lost your way or would you be glad that you now found the proper path to return? If you went to the doctor and the doctor said that he knows what is making you feel not well and he has the proper medicine to bring you back to health, would you be sad that right now you don’t feel well and need to take medicine, or happy that by taking this medicine you will become well?
Chassidus explains that this is also true for teshuva. We have the power to return and to be close to Hashem and to fix everything. Even more, one single “turn” can change everything for the better. The joy that we have for being able to restore and improve our closeness with Hashem is not only our simcha, but most importantly it is the simcha that Hashem has from our teshuva.
With all of the aforementioned, the following question still remains. It is good and fine to stress the positive outcome of teshuva; nevertheless, we know that the process of teshuva requires that we have sorrow and bitterness. We need to get involved in uprooting bad habits and sinful behavior. This can be a painful process. What Chassidus is teaching us is that although it is quite painful; when it is done its purpose is to cure. Therefore, the simcha of what is accomplished far outweighs the remorse, the sorrow and the bitterness. This is because the connection that we achieve is real and will only continue to grow. We will neither ignore nor forget what we have done wrong. We will simply revel in the fact that there is an even greater joy from being able to come close to Hashem.
Reb Mendel Futerfas once explained that there are three different approaches to saying the prayer of Ashamnu during viduy. The first person says to himself; “Me? I didn’t do all these things that are on this list! So why do I say it? The reason is because this prayer is for everyone, not just me.” This person’s intention when he prays is; “It’s someone else, I never did it.” The second person realizes that it is him. He is full of remorse, he cries and is sad. He says to himself; “I know I did these things, I did them today, I did them yesterday and I will do them again tomorrow.” At the end of the day he tells himself that he is a sinner and continues on the same path the next day. The third person says, “I sinned and I won’t return to that again.” That resolution is real teshuva.
The Baal Shem Tov was once visiting a small town. The leaders of the community approached him with a request to speak to their chazan about the way he was leading the davening for the prayer of Ashamnu. They said that he would sing it with a joyful tune and they thought that it was inappropriate way to approach such a serious prayer. When the Baal Shem Tov asked the chazzan what he thought about during that prayer he replied with a story. He heard about a simple person who got a job cleaning out the stables of the king’s animals. Although the only thing he was busy with was cleaning the waste of the animals, since he knew that what he was doing was what the king wanted done he was overjoyed with his job all day long. He was happy because of his good fortune, knowing that what he was doing was benefiting the King. It is needless to say that the Baal Shem Tov found this man to be a most appropriate chazzan for his community.
May we all merit to do teshuvah with simcha, and witness the immediate revelation of Moshiach, now! L’Shana Tovah uMesuka