Feeling Let Down By the System?
The Rebbe's Advise
By Rabbi Shimon Raichik
There is a common theme I hear from others when they speak about their difficulties with following the higher standards and leading a chassidishe life. They will often say that they are the way they are because of their difficult yeshiva experience. They could not relate to the teachers, their message or their demands, nor could the teachers relate to them. Their parents also were demanding. In short, the system let them down.
Especially in these turbulent times like these, I understand and feel what they are saying. I have sent my children though the system and know about the frustrations and challenges that we face.
I recently came across the letter below in which the Rebbe clearly addresses this perspective. It is self-understood and requires no further explanation.
B.H.
15 Iyar, 5738
Brooklyn, N.Y.
Sholom uBrocho:
I am in receipt of your letter of May 18, in which you write about your present state and feelings towards Jews, Yiddishkeit, the Torah, etc., which you blame on the attitude towards you on the part of the Yeshiva and its students.
Needless to say the connection is most surprising, for it is plain and obvious that a Jew, whoever he may be, who believes in the Torah and does his best to observe its Mitzvos, does it because his personal commitment to G-d’s Torah and Mitzvos, which were given to each and every Jew at Sinai, and as our Sages tell us that the souls of all the Jews of all generations were present there and accepted the Torah and Mitzvos. Hence, if a Jew should declare, G-d forbid, that he does not accept the Ten Commandments because his friends or teacher do not conduct themselves as they should - I do not think that anyone will say that this is a proper or sensible approach.
To put in a different way: If a teacher whom you respect will say that two times two is five, it is incorrect; and if a teacher whom you do not respect will say that two times two is four, it is nevertheless correct, for Truth is independent. Judging by your writing, there is surely no need to elaborate to you on what is self-evident.
As for your complaint about your friends’ attitude towards you – it is also clear that neither I nor anyone else can make a judgment on this without first hearing what both sides have to say.
Now, let us assume - from your point of view - that you have reasons to complain -- surely you know, and must have seen it yourself from other situations where people have a disagreement, that in every dispute between two people it is impossible that one should be 100% right and the other 100% wrong. It would be rare indeed, if it ever happened, although one does not have to be 100% right to win his case, and 99% against 1%is also sufficient. But when one of the two parties, who is personally involved and consequently subjective, claims to be 100% right and all the others 100% wrong, this is most extraordinary. Don’t you think that someone who examines the whole situation objectively may find you also wrong at least to the extent of 1%? If this be very likely, how is it that you do not mention anything about it in your letter, not even by as much as a hint?
All that has been said above is by way of response to your writing, dealing with the “letter” as distinct from the “spirit.”
The crucial point, however, is that suffice it to consider the fact that Yiddishkeit, Torah and Mitzvos, and the Jewish people have survived 3500 years of persecution, pogroms, the Holocaust, etc., and yet our people is alive and thriving to this day, while many powerful nations and “civilizations” have disappeared without a remnant – to be convinced (despite your assertions in the beginning of your letter) that the Torah is Toras Emes, and its Mitzvos are Emes, and that “they are our life and the length of our days,” both for our Jewish people as a whole and for every Jew individually. It is also self-understood that G-d desires Jews to observe His Mitzvos not for His benefit, but for the benefit of the one who lives in accordance with G-d’s will.
In light of the above, I hope and trust that you will do all that is in your power to learn the Torah with devotion and diligence and to fulfill the Mitzvos with Hiddur -- not because I, or anyone else tells you to do this, but because it is the Truth itself, as has been amply verified by the uninterrupted history of our people from generation to generation. And although this is an obvious “must” for its own sake, this is also the channel to receive G-d’s blessing for Hatzlocho in all your needs, as well as for your parents and all your dear ones.
With blessing,