Vechol Ma'aminim' ('And All Believe')
From the Machzor of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur
Some tell the following story as they heard it recounted by Reb Mendel Futerfas, of blessed memory describing his experience of Yom Kippur during his imprisonment in Soviet labor camps.
Needless to say, when they came and arrested us, we weren't allowed to take sidurim or machzorim along to the prisons and work camps. Now, during the weekdays this wasn't too much of a problem, as most of us knew the davening by heart and could reconstruct the prayers in our heads. The Yomim Noraim, however, was another story. Who could remember an entire machzor full of hymns and special prayers that are only recited one day out of the year? At best we could only recall certain snippets of the davening and try to substitute our best intentions for the real words.
"Thus we spent the High Holidays in the camp; without a tallis, without a machzor, without a minyan and without a shofar. Together we tried to squeeze from our memories a few words here an a few words there; between us, we somehow managed to recreate a partial 'machzor,' such as it was.
"Of course, under such circumstances, a person pays more attention to the meaning of the words he is reciting. Every phrase we could remember was treasured beyond words; every syllable we recalled was lovingly caressed and explored, as it states in Pirkei Avos: 'Learn it and learn it (the Torah), for everything is in it, look deeply into it... for there is nothing more edifying for you than it.'
"In this manner we continued to daven from our 'machzor', till we reached the famous song 'Vechol Ma'aminim' ('And All Believe'), the refrain from which is repeated over and over.
"It was then, right in the middle of singing the special melody that goes with the words, that a heretical thought popped into my head. 'Can it really be true?' I thought to myself. 'Does absolutely everyone -- the Bolsheviks, the Communists, the members of the Yevsektziya and all the avowed atheists -- believe in G-d?' (It surely didn't seem so from their behavior, from which I suffered daily.) How could it be possible that these people who took delight in trampling everything that was holy and good, who scorned every notion of religion as the 'opiate of the masses' and who seemed to have no connection whatsoever to Yiddishkeit and G-dliness -- could they, too, believe in Him? In truth, it seemed too much to accept.
"A split second later I dismissed the thought. If that's what it says in the siddur, I told myself, then it must be true. 'And All Believe'. Yes, even those who outwardly disavow and disdain our holy Torah...
"How many times had I been taught in Yeshivas Tomchei Temimim that the doubt itself comes from k'lipah, from the 'Other Side'? Furthermore, as we learn from the maamar (Sefer Hamaamarim 5701), when a person does ask such a question, and provides the answer himself with the explanation that 'this is the way it's supposed to be', his answer comes 'from the pureness of his heart, which is more often found in simple people than in those who are more learned.'
"Nevertheless, I was still somewhat perturbed by the words that 'all believe'. After all, day after day I was living with seemingly incontrovertible evidence of it’s very opposite, and was suffering from it greatly."
In the end, however, I decided that I had no choice. If that's what it says in the Siddur, it has to be true. Everyone, without exception, must believe in G-d.
One night a few days later I was lying in my bunk (you can imagine the accommodations we were afforded), when a strange thing occurred. Our 'beds' consisted of three tiers of bunks that protruded from the wall; I occupied one of the lower ones. It was in the middle of the night when I realized that someone was staring at me intently. My heart skipped a beat -- I certainly had what to be afraid of, as fights between prisoners and even murders were quite ordinary events in those surroundings. In the darkness I could barely make out the huge figure that loomed above me: I saw a rough-looking giant of a man who looked as if he could break me in two without much effort on his part. Judging by his coarsened face he looked like a common criminal, or even a murderer.
"As he came closer, I assumed that my end was near. Soon, I told myself, I would be out of my misery and in a far better place, a 'world in which everything is good'...
"Then, to my utter astonishment, he asked me a question. 'Are you a Jew?' he whispered. When I told him yes, he revealed the most incredible fact. 'So am I!' he stated.
"Well almost fell off my bunk. 'I just want you to know that I fasted on Yom Kippur,' he said. 'I didn't know when Yom Kippur was, and it really wasn't something I had thought about, but the other day while I was out on work detail I happened to overhear a conversation between two Jews. Placing himself in great danger one Jew had whispered to the other, Morgen is Yom Kippur! (Tomorrow is Yom Kippur).'
" 'As soon as I heard this I decided that I would fast. Yes here, in this wretched place, I would fast on Yom Kippur! That day I made believe I was sick and didn't report for work, knowing that no one would suspect my true reason; I know that I don't look Jewish. I spent the whole day lying on my bunk.
" 'I wanted to daven, but I didn't know how,' the man continued. 'I really don't know anything about that stuff. I racked my brain; surely there was some prayer I could recite. Finally I recalled one line that my grandmother had taught me to say when I was a child, as soon as I woke up in the morning: "Modeh ani lifanecha, Melech chai vekayam, shehechezarta bi nishmasi bechemlah, rabba emunasecha". I think I repeated this line hundreds of times--no, thousands of times as I lay there on my bed. Modeh ani lifanechs, Melech chai vekayam, shehechezarta bi nishmasibechemlah, rabbah emunasecha. And that is how I spent Yom Kippur, right here in this G-d forsaken pit--as a Jew!'
"What can I tell you?" Reb Mendel concluded his story: "At that moment all my former doubts disappeared. If this fellow -- whose external appearance bespoke on utter and absolute alienation from all matters of faith -- could believe, why, then it really was true! 'And All Believe!' Yes, everyone, without exception!"
There was a chosid named R. Yisroel Noach Bilinitsky who was a senior chosid who learned in Lubavitch in 1902. Once as a bachur, the Rebbe Rashab observed him as he participated along with other bachurim in building the Rebbe’s sukkah. The Rebbe commented to the Rebbetzin that this bachur put the schach up differently than anyone else. He was considered a special chosid and lived in the Yeshiva of Brunoy, France in his later years. Eli Silberstein, the Chabad Shliach of Ithaca New York told me that while he was a bachur in Brunoy Reb Yisroel Noach was in his 90’s. He would assist him with his needs. On Yom Kippur when he reached the tefilla of 'Vechol Ma'aminim' ('And All Believe'), he had to hold him steadily because his entire body was trembling.