Uncovering the Unbreakable nature of the Neshama that was Never Lost
By Rabbi Shimon Raichik
Elul is a time of teshuva. The last letter of each of the 4 words of the verse describing these days, Ani l’Dodi v’Dodi Li end with a yud (which equals 10) equals 40 which is a hint of the 30 days of Elul and the 10 days of Rosh Hashana, the Esres Yemei HaTeshuva and Yom Kippur. These are special days when we bring ourselves close to Hashem and Hashem draws close to us. We take the time to account for our lives much like in a business with a profit and loss statement. The good deeds are the profits which we build and expand upon in the coming year. Our losses are mistakes and sins which we plan to purge before the coming year.
In a maamar on this verse Ani l’Dodi v’Dodi Li (5729-1969) the Rebbe discusses that when we do teshuva we correct not only the actual sins but also the parts of our lives that could have, but were not utilized in the service of a Hashem. Take for example a phone which could be completely kosher. If however instead of using our time to learn the Torah or do some mitzvah we instead checked instagram or facebook then our neshama missed out due to our use of the phone. We could have used the time for learning or doing a mitzvah. For this too we do teshuvah. This type of teshuva takes into account that we are a neshama that had an opportunity to express G-dliness but missed a priceless opportunity. Who was it that took control over the situation? Our animal soul, our yetzer hara.
In Devarim (4:29) it says:
וּבִקַּשְׁתֶּ֥ם מִשָּׁ֛ם אֶת־יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ וּמָצָ֑אתָ כִּ֣י תִדְרְשֶׁ֔נּוּ בְּכָל־לְבָבְךָ֖ וּבְכָל־נַפְשֶֽׁךָ׃
But if you search from there for Hashem your G-d, you will find Him, if only you seek Him with all your heart and soul—
According to Chassidus, the word ‘zeh, this’ is used when we are facing Hashem where G-dliness is apparent. The word used in this pasuk is ‘from there’, not ‘this’ as is states “But if you search from there”. The word ‘there’ according to Chassidus refers to a place where Hashem is not revealed. These refer to all of the activities that are not for Hashem. The pasuk prodds us to- “search from there” to learn what brought us to going ‘there’ away from a close and revealed connection with Hashem, and then to convert that negativity to positivity. The Torah then reassures us and says “you will find Him”. The reason we reunite our neshama with Hashem is when the desire is authentic; when it is done: “with all your heart and all your soul”. That’s how we return and unite with Hashem.
Nevertheless, even when our neshama is victorious in it’s struggle with the animal soul, with the yetzer hara, the yetzer hara, the ‘kluginker, the smart one’, comes back for another round from a different angle. He says: true, you did teshuva this time. But who do you think you are you fooling, you know what you once were, you were so low for so long. You are not truly worthy of being close with Hashem. This brings us down. It gets us to feel that we're being foolish for feeling that our own body and our own home can be a dwelling place for Hashem. We hear the yetzer hara’s logic and ask ourselves that perhaps it’s true that we are undeserving to an open and revealed connection with Hashem that comes from from seeking Hashem and doing teshuva. (Before answering this question in the maamar the Rebbe was very emotional)
The answer to this quandary is that we need to know that we are a “Chelek Eloka mi’maal mamash, that we are an actual portion of G-dliness”. Our connection has always been there, we never lost it and it will always be. That’s the very nature of our neshama because we are Chelek Eloka mi’maal mamash. Our neshama is giving us life even when we are at the lowest level, the lowest ebb of our life. Nevertheless the connection to Hashem doesn’t change, although hidden, the neshama is always standing in front of Hashem. The entire teshuva process that began with awakening to our neshma was triggered from the activity that occurred “there”, when we we distant, and it is those activities that caused us to do the teshuva.
The awareness that Hashem is always with us in all of these places brings simcha in our service of Hashem. The Alter Rebbe brings a mashal in the Tanya of a king who draws close to a peasant and wants to be with him. This experience brings the peasant the greatest simcha imaginable. This mashal is the experience of every Jewish neshama that occured when we left Egypt and received the Torah on Mount Sinai where Hashem revealed to us that he wants us to make a home and to be His home in this world. All it takes is for us to do teshuva.
This maamar empowers us to recognize our Unity with Hashem that was never severed and push us tomake all the changes necessary to merit a good sweet year and merit the coming of Moshiach now.
A Good Shabbos